The Power of Loneliness

Before I get to the main part of this blog I’d just like to start off by attempting to remove the stereotypical image of someone who might be experiencing loneliness, by drawing a pathway to the reality and the non-bias.

The definition of the word itself is “having no one else present: on one’s own.” Although this may lead to the picture of a single individual segregated from the rest of the world, I’d like to exaggerate that this is only one example of someone who may feel alone.

Other examples…

The 9-5

Some of us are very credible and talented and may easily secure that dream job. The outlook of this person to the public is smart, successful and happy. I agree that this may reduce the likelihood of this individual to feel alone as more people are likely to get in touch given their successful outlook. However, more people can sometimes just simply mean more people. The artificial image of this person which, has been created around her/him by the public without their will, may become the reason why they find it harder to accept the fact that they feel out-of-place and hence, alone. As someone who has worked in London, I have seen many robots in suits commuting to work, ready to be programmed by their managers.

The relationship

You may be fortunate and truly happy with your significant other who understands and supports you. However, many people think that if they have a girlfriend/boyfriend then this will prevent them from being alone and they will be happy. This may be untrue because sooner rather than later you find out that the person whom you have expected to complete you and become your companion, is unwilling to fulfil that expectation. You may realize this through an imbalance of sympathy or loyalty in commitment and this may put you in a harder situation than before the start of the relationship.

As a result, feeling alone should not be correlated with popularity, job profile or marital status.

Ways of Unleashing Your Power

Now that we have a broader understanding of the topic. I hope I have helped remove many of the social stigma around this occurrence.

If you do feel like someone who feels alone then please read on and feel free to slap yourself round the face for feeling sorry for yourself because life is too f*****g short for that!

1. Being alone is a choice

The most crucial aspect of being alone is to acknowledge that this is a choice rather than a result. If you think about the number of people around you then it really isn’t that difficult to find someone to spend time with. Time is a valuable asset and you know this so you’re simply prioritising your time over others’.

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” Warren Buffet 

2. Replace bad habits 

When you don’t have a partner or a roommate to steam off some anger or converse ideas with, it can be quite maddening to try to solve your problems all by yourself. This is likely to lower your self-esteem and discourage you from doing something productive. You may find yourself resorting to mindless consumption such as scrolling through YouTube, streaming movies, bingeing on Netflix or watching adult movies. I think this is completely normal in the short run however it becomes a problem if you make this a habit.

My best advice here is to dedicate a moment for yourself, list your bad habits and find your preferred replacements for them, and stick to it. Make sure that your replacements are tied to the person you’d like to become.

42.5% of smart phone users in Brazil would rather give up water and electricity for a day than go without their phone.

Your habits are what makes you who you are. Once you start taking these steps you will start to realise that you are investing in yourself and eventually remind yourself that you are unique and irreplaceable. Every problem you face from this point onwards will now become an opportunity for you to prove this.

For instance:

  •  If you’d like to become a sports person then you don’t necessarily have to start working towards this by joining a gym or a sports club. Perhaps you can do ten push ups every morning to start off with.
  • For someone who would like to become bilingual then perhaps you can start by watching foreign movies with subtitles instead of one in your native tongue.
  • Spirituality is one of four resources of confidence, if you would like to become more loyal to your faith or meditation, then perhaps you can start by researching about your faith or other spiritual worship.

The only thing that matters is whether you have started or not, how you start is not that important at all. 

3. Cherish every interaction 

When you spend most of your day with minimum contact with others, you must cherish every opportunity of interaction. Of course, we all have someone who consistently inflicts negative energy around us so it’s very important to avoid these people. The last thing you need during this process is to surround yourself with unpleasant aura. When meeting other people however, try to put yourself out there.

People don’t necessarily know exactly what you’re going through and perhaps they may be looking forward to speaking to you.

80% of conversations are gossips. 

If you approach with genuine content, then interactions can be great mood catalysts for all parties. There is really no such thing as a boring conversation.

4. Healthy consumption

When spending time alone you’re likely to become vulnerable to bad eating habits. I understand that sometimes what we eat can give us a relaxing sensation regardless of how healthy it is. For example, we all know that a packet of crisps is not the best option to optimise our health, but yet we still pick it up because we treat it as a remedy of relief rather than nutrition the body needs. Of course, sometimes we all need to have fun and I think you should join your family and friends for a cheeky pizza.

Having said that many people fall into this remedy trap, and the build up of time becomes their number one reason to accept their fate when they look in the mirror. 

My best advice here is to face the problem, and start thinking about what actions you are going to take to tackle this. I know this is easier said than done but it’s never too late to change.

Drinking 8 oz. glasses of water everyday will help prevent dehydration. 

Your body is the most important asset given to you and you can only be in your desired shape if you show it care and attention.

Eating healthy is a lifestyle, not a diet; avoid searching the internet for the “secret formula” where you essentially attach yourself to a programme set by others. Perhaps, you can start thinking about what to buy at your next grocery shopping instead? This way you are caring for yourself in a way exclusive to you, and knowing that you are reaping the results all by yourself is truly rewarding.

Overtime, your results will not only be reflected in the mirror but you will also be reminded by the people around you.

Consequently, you have now become a standing example of a healthy body and mind.

5. Create, Create, Create

This is a big one. It’s the very reason behind the creation of this website. Many people who carry the state of mind of loneliness, generally have so much free time. Perhaps you can turn this into your advantage and start something new and exciting. Simply outline your interests and envisage a long-term project for yourself which, might sound crazy at first but once you take a small step towards this, you’ll find out that this isn’t that crazy as you initially thought.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” Marianne Williamson 

When struck with the idea of translating my thoughts into writing this blog, my common sense told me things like:

  • “You study a mathematics degree, this is totally unrelated
  • “You have never done something like this before”

Avoid what your common sense tells you. You are much better than you think, and you should find out by indulging yourself into working towards something you truly believe in. The result is electrifying, and you deserve to experience this.

Ismail Melek

The Daily Post – Courage


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